


It Was Only a Matter of Time

by justanotherjen



Category: That '70s Show
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-06
Updated: 2007-03-06
Packaged: 2017-10-19 00:31:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 21,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/194919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanotherjen/pseuds/justanotherjen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jackie left for Chicago, Hyde knew he'd made a mistake, but going there to fix it made things even worse. Now his life is one long string of unwanted emotions--anger, hate, heartache, remorse, regret... love. Despite the pain, he knows he still loves her. But maybe that's why it hurts so much.</p><p>Jackie screwed up. Steven was gone, and it was all her fault. She tries to go on with her life, but the ache in her chest just won't go away. She knows she has to make things right; she's just not sure Steven will want to hear her out. She knows she has to try, though, because she can't live with herself knowing she hurt him so deeply.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. There Are Always Two Sides

**Author's Note:**

> This story is currently being updated.  
> Chapter 1 has been revised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has been revised as of 7/13/15. The rest will follow.

Hyde pulled into the Forman driveway well past one in the morning and sat listening to the ticks and pops of the cooling engine. The whole drive home from Chicago he had fumed. He thought of every way he could possibly hurt Kelso and of every way that Jackie had hurt him. The pain was unbelievable. Hyde never knew a person could feel this way. Why would anyone want to be in love if this kind of hurt could happen?

The rage he'd built on the ride home mellowed as he crossed over the Point Place city limits. The anger that normally kept his other emotions in check faded, leaving an empty ache in his chest. For the first time since Bud left when he was a kid, Hyde felt like crying. He choked back the welling tears and remembered his _Zen_.

He tiptoed across the kitchen, glad it was late and everyone was in bed. The last thing he needed now was to hear Mrs. Forman tell him how sorry she was or listen to Donna lament about how much she would miss Forman. Hyde was too tired to deal with his friends—no matter how well meaning they were. He crept down to his room, and slumping onto his cot, buried his face in his hands. He sighed. Every inch of his body hurt from the tension winding him into a tight knot.

He reached into his right pocket and pulled out the small black box that had been digging into his thigh for most of the day. It wasn't much—just a fifth carat. _A chip_ , Jackie would have called it. But he was sure it would have been enough. He had given in; he had gone to Chicago to make sure Jackie knew how he really felt.

"I guess it wasn't enough," he muttered to himself. He snapped the cover shut and chucked it across the room. It smashed against the concrete wall. The cover flew one way; Hyde didn't see what happened to the rest of it. He fell back, covering his face with a pillow. If he fell asleep that way would he slowly suffocate in the night? If there was a merciful God maybe, but Hyde didn't believe in any gods. He sucked in a deep, shuddering breath.

"I won't cry," he said out loud, his voice muffled by the pillow. "I won't let her do that to me." But even as he said it, he knew it wasn't true. Jackie could do that to him, and she had, and he was going to cry. There was nothing he could do about it. At least he was alone.

 

* * *

Jackie sat frozen on the edge of the motel bed. It had been twenty-five minutes since Steven left. He hadn't uttered a word to her, but his expression said it all. He'd never looked so mad. And hurt.

She had wanted to run after him—to plead her innocence, to beg forgiveness, to just make him not leave and give her a chance to explain. But she knew it wouldn't do any good. Steven wouldn't care about the truth right then and wouldn't have believed her anyway. He saw what he saw.

_Oh God, why did Michael have to walk in that moment_?

Jackie sniffled, willing herself not to cry—like that would work. Outside, the sound of footsteps filled the empty pit of her stomach with hope, but it was a fleeting feeling. Michael stood in the door, once again wrapped in a towel.

"Is he gone?" he asked, sheepishly peering around the corner for Steven. Jackie nodded absently. She was barely aware that Michael was in the room. She couldn't keep the tears back any more and broke into little sobs that got louder and louder.

"That was close," Michael was saying, "I thought he was going to kill me. He really looked pissed, don't you think?"

She felt sick. _This isn't happening_ , she thought.

"What have I done?" she murmured.

"Well, I know what we were about to do," he said with a laugh, cocking his head and batting his eyelashes. Jackie shook her head. She wished Michael would just go away. Instead he sat next to her on the bed, fingering her hair. She nudged him away with her shoulder. Michael didn't take the hint.

"So, where did we leave off?" His warm lips brushed against the cool skin below her ear. Jackie reacted out of instinct, shoving her ex-boyfriend off the bed.

"What the hell, Jackie!" Michael climbed back on the bed, confusion etched on his face. "I thought- I mean Hyde already knows what's going on."

"There is nothing going on here," Jackie yelled.

"But-"

"Oh, my God, Michael. Are you really that stupid?"

Michael stared at her blankly. "But, I came. And Hyde didn't. I win."

"This isn't a game, Michael. I'm sorry, but I don't love you anymore. I love Steven."

"Then why were you going to do it with me?" Michael threw his hands up in exasperation.

"I wasn't going to do anything with you."

"But… but we kissed," he stammered.

Jackie's head hurt. Was dealing with Michael always this taxing? "It was just a kiss, Michael, in a moment of weakness. I was upset and you took advantage."

"But-" Michael slumped back on the bed, realization dawning. He was quiet for a moment, brow knit together before he let out a sigh. He turned a megawatt smile her way. "Well now that Hyde thinks there is something going on we can just, you know, do it anyway."

"Argh," Jackie screamed. "Just go home, Michael."

"Come on, Jackie."

Jackie moved away from him. "You've done enough. Just leave me alone."

"Fine," Michael yelled, storming out the door, tripping over his towel. Seconds later he ran back in and grabbed his clothes. "You're not a very grateful person," he told her.

"What?"

"See if I ever drive you to Chicago again." He slammed the door, catching his shirt in the process. He clumsily opened it again, juggling the rest of his things. He glanced back at her one last time then stumbled to his car, trying to keep his towel from falling off again. Jackie just shook her head. She felt tired and sick and miserable. Just the way she should feel, she though. At least she was alone.

 


	2. There Are Always Two Sides

 Hyde rolled onto his back, pulling the pillow over his ears. It didn't drown out the noise of the Formans having breakfast upstairs, though. And rubbing his eyes did nothing to erase the weariness there. He glanced at the clock: _7:35_.

Ugh. He sat up on his elbows, blinking away tears of fatigue. He caught sight of the framed picture Jackie gave him a few months ago. She looked so beautiful with her wavy dark hair flowing around her tanned face. Those big eyes sparkling with admiration. She smiled coyly from the handmade frame. Hyde felt a twinge of regret creep through him. He smacked the picture to the floor—it was over now. He refused to feel anything.

_Yeah, right_ , he thought. The knot in his stomach tightened, and for a minute, he thought he was going to be sick. He rubbed his temples. _7:40_. He had an hour before he needed to open the store. Then he remembered he left Leo in charge last night. His fell back onto the bed.

"What was I thinking?" He sighed, blowing the air out slowly. "I'm so screwed."

Upstairs a few minutes later, he poured a cup of coffee. The hot liquid burned his throat, but it didn't scorch away the other pain like he'd hoped. Of course, now his throat hurt—so that was something different.

"There's my sleepy puss," Mrs. Forman said, tussling his hair as if he were a little boy.

"You got in late," Red said. "Where were you last night?"

_Great_ , Hyde thought. _Now that Forman is gone, Red_ _can_ _lavish all of his paternal attention on me_.

"He went to see Jackie in Chicago."

Hyde hadn’t even noticed Donna standing by the counter. She nibbled on a piece of toast, a glass of orange juice next to her.

"Oh, how sweet," Mrs. Forman said, a big grin on her face. She placed a plate of eggs and hashbrowns on the table.

"So, how did it go?" asked Donna. "Was she totally surprised to see you?"

"Oh, she was surprised all right," Hyde said. He dropped into his usual chair next to Red and stared at his scrambled eggs—they mocked him with their bright, sunshiney color.

"I bet she was in shock," Donna kept going. "Who would have expected Hyde to drive all the way to Chicago to profess his love for someone. It is so romantic. Jackie must have been in ecstasy. I know when Eric came to California to get me back it was the most romantic thing ever. I was so turned on-"

"Donna! We're trying to eat," Red barked.

"All I'm saying is that it was very sweet and Jackie must have been in Heaven that Hyde finally showed that he had feelings." She laughed and patted his head.

Hyde cringed at the talk of Jackie. He poked his eggs, trying not to think of her or last night. It wasn't working. He couldn't get the image of Kelso in a towel out of his head. The anger welled up again. Damn Kelso.

"Aren't you hungry, Steven?" asked Mrs. Forman.

"Not really. I've gotta get to the store." He pushed away from the table.

Mrs. Forman's face drooped, the sparkle gone from her eyes. "Oh. Well, okay."

"I'll have his ham," Red said, reaching across the table. His wife smacked his hand.

"Red, do you know how much sodium is in ham?"

"No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me," Red huffed. "You know, Steven, I envy you. At least you get some time away from your woman."

Mrs. Forman glared at him.

"Well, gotta go," Red said. He jumped up, grabbing the ham off of Hyde's plate. He slipped out the patio door—the engine of his car revving up a moment later.

"Hmph," Mrs. Forman grunted. Donna laughed. The day felt almost normal. Almost.

"Thanks anyway, Mrs. Forman," Hyde told her then kissed her cheek. The Formans were the closest thing to parents he had—he knew he could always count on them to take care of him. And to drive him nuts. But he guessed that's what families did when they loved each other. Jackie sure drove him nuts, and he sure loved her.

Donna followed him outside. "So, what happened? I thought you'd be gone longer. Knowing Jackie she'd somehow get you to elope right then."

Hyde hunched his shoulders as they walked to the end of the driveway where he'd parked. "I really don't wanna talk about."

"Hyde?" She placed a hand on his arm. "What happened? Did you talk to her?"

He sighed. "Not really." He shrugged off her touch. "I'll tell you about it later. I gotta go check on Leo." He didn't look back as he pulled away from the curb—he couldn't stand to see the sad look on Donna's face.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (revised on 7/22/15)


	3. What Now?

A few minutes later he pulled up in front of the record store. He knew something was wrong before he even got out. WB's car was out front and he could hear yelling from in side. Uh oh, Hyde thought.

He slowly made his way inside the store. The place was a wreck. The milk crates they used to hold the records were toppled. Records, or more accurately, pieces of records littered the floor. The posters had been ripped from the walls and someone had spray-painted "disco sucks" on the wall. He stood in the doorway gaping. WB came out of the store room screaming at his assistant.

"Steven! What the hell happened?"

"I don't know," Hyde muttered.

"Well, didn't you lock up last night?"

"Uh, well," Hyde started. He was in a load of trouble. His first impulse was to concoct some conspiracy explaining what had happened but WB was standing there all fatherly. He had trusted Hyde to run one of his stores. No one had really trusted him with anything before and he messed it all up.

"Dude, this place is a mess."

"Leo, man, what the hell happened?" Hyde yelled.

"Looks like someone trashed the place. Probably those kids that came in last night."

"Didn't you ask them to leave? Or lock up?"

"Why would I lock up. This isn't my place. That's your place, man."

"But, I left you in charge," Hyde said, frustrated.

"Wait a minute," WB interrupted, "you left this…pot head in charge of my store? What were you thinking?"

Hyde was still wondering that himself. It had seemed like a perfectly logical thing to do at the time, but looking back-maybe his judgment had been clouded by his urge to go see Jackie. He felt his stomach squeezing tighter.

"Steven, I don't understand-"

"I'm sorry, WB. I had some personal business to attend to."

"Steven, this store is personal business. What could be more important?"

Only the most important moment of my life, Hyde thought. Sadness swept over him again, thinking of how things might have gone. WB waded through the mess to the cash register. He hit a few buttons and the drawer popped open with a ding.

"Great. It's empty. Steven, I don't know what to say."

Hyde did. He was the world's biggest screw-up. How could he have thought leaving Leo in charge was a good idea? Hyde massaged his temples. What the hell else could go wrong?

"Hey, man, don't worry about the cash. I got that."

"You do?" Hyde asked, hopeful.

"Yeah. I got it right here…somewhere." Leo padded down his shirt and pants. "Oh yeah, here it is." He handed Hyde a wad of bills. Hyde counted it out.

"Leo, there is only $40 here."

"I know, man. It was a busy night; lot's of kids in here returning albums." Leo smiled.

"Did you ask to see any receipts? Did it ever occur to you that they were just taking records from the store and trading them for cash from you?" Leo looked surprised, then disheartened. Hyde handed the monety to WB. There had been over $300 in the store when he had left. Looking around, he knew that the damage to the stock was more then Hyde had in the bank.

Hyde looked at his father. "I am so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking last night. Jackie left the other day and I went to get her back. I guess I ahd a one track mind. I will make this up to you if you just give me another chance."

WB looked his son over. He had only known Hyde for a few months but he felt he knew him pretty well. Hyde put on a good show but it was all posturing. If you looked close enough you could easily see his feeling, who he really was. He put his arm around Hyde's shoulders.

"All right. We'll figure something out," he said. Hyde looked at him gratefully. It was the first break he had gotten in awhile. "For starters," WB said, "I don't want that hippie in my store anymore. If you need help, hire another manager."

"I can do that?"

"Sure. I don't expect you to run this store by yourself all hours of the day."


	4. It only hurts when I think of you

Jackie paced the length of the studio. She was supposed to go on the air in a few minutes but she hadn't even prepared yet. She was so nervous her stomach hurt. What was she kidding herself for? Her stomach hurting had nothing to do with work. She hadn't stopped thinking about Steven since he had left a week ago. He must hat her. She sure hated herself right now and that was really hard to do when she looked so damn cute in her new clogs and pretty pink blouse.

"Burkhardt, you're on in 5 minutes," yelled Jake, the stage manager. Jackie felt her lunch coming up on her. There was no way she could go on TV feeling this way. All she could think about was how hurt Steven had looked before he left. Why, oh why, did she have to let Michael in that night? She could have told him to go back home, that she was tired, that she was washing her hair. Anything to get rid of him. When she had opened the door that evening she had completely expected Steve to be standing there, apology on his face, but in was just Michael. She hadn't really wanted to talk to him but she was so lonely. The other occupants of the motel were very vocal about their actions there. She had spent the first few hours with the news turned up as loud as it would go.

She let Michael stay so she would at least have someone to talk to. He did at least bring a pint of double chocolate fudge ice cream. It had been find at first, but the… he kissed her. It had been soft and sweet and innocent, like when they had first started dating; back before they were sleeping together. It was so nice to have someone kiss her in that agonizing way that for a second she forgot who she was kissing. Then Michael groped her. That was it. She had jumped up aware that she was getting dangerously close to cheating on Steven. Michael then proceeded to spill his half melted bowl of ice cream all over himself. He was such a klutz. When he had appeared from the bathroom in nothing but a towel Jackie had known it was time for him to go. It was all getting way out of control. He looked adorable even with his hideous new haircut. He smiled seductively, showing those cute dimples that had always made her melt before.

But just as quickly as those fond memories filled her head, even better ones of Steven replaced them. She missed him already and it had only been one day. She distracted Michael by asking him to get some ice for her Coke. He had trotted off wearing just the towel and Jackie went back to paging through her magazine trying to decide how to get rid of Michael. That is when things went bad. If only Steven hadn't shown up, or Michael had gotten lost in the motel-anything but what actually happened. Jackie felt the tears well up in her eyes again.

"Two minutes," called Jake. Jackie started to panic. She felt her chest tightening and it became increasingly hard to breathe.

"I can do this," she whispered to herself. She trembled and just couldn't shake the sick feeling that he settled into her stomach. Just then Jake peeked his head around the corner.

"You're on in 45 seconds. You better get out here."

Jackie looked at him wide eyed. "I can't do it," she mumbled.

"What?" Jake asked, confused.

"I can't go on. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do."

"What are you talking about? You just read what the cards say. It's pretty easy-an idiot could do it."

Jackie started to cry. "I'm sorry, Jake, really, but I have to go. I just can't do this job. I wish I could because it is a dream come true, but there is something more important right now that I have to deal with." She ran from the building sobbing. She wasn't sure what the heck she had just done. It didn't make any sense. She had just throws away the best opportunity of her life for…Steven Hyde; a scruffy, insensitive, paranoid jerk that drover her nuts half of the time. But the other half-he could be the sweetest guy she knew. She was so confused. She had left Point Place convinced that the best thing for her was this new job. Now a week later she was leaving Chicago convinced that the best thing for her was Steven, who most likely would never speak to her again. But she had to give it a shot.

She walked to the bus stop and waited. She wiped away the tears, finding a little strength in finally figuring out what she wanted. Only a little, though. She still had no ide3a how to get back to Wisconsin. She certainly couldn't call Michael for a ride again and she had no idea what she would say to Steven when she got there. She wondered what Steven was doing that minute-if he was missing her or just hating her. Was he crying softly in his room where no one could hear? Of course not. Steven didn't cry, that wasn't Zen. Jackie took a deep breath and tried to center herself with the Zen Steven had taught her years ago. She was aloof. That was the word he had used right? She didn't know. She never understood half the stuff Steven said to her. If it wasn't about fashion, make-up or movie stars then she didn't get it. But she like that bout their relationship. He made her want to learn more about stuff. She might not understand it even then, but at least she tried. And so did he.

The Zen just wasn't working. She couldn't pretend not to care when it hurt so much. She groaned as the bus approached. I wonder what Steven is doing, she thought again.

Hyde unlocked the front door of the store and flipped the sign over to "open". It was a little after nine and he was late. Of course there were no customers beating down the doors, but there could have been. Ever since the episode with Leo last week, Hyde had made an extra effort to actually care about his job and how the record store was doing. He made Fez return all of the records he "borrowed" and quit snaking cash from the register. It had taken three days to clean up the mess. Donna and Fez came to help when they could and Charlie, too. At least that kid was good for a laugh. He had forced Leo to help, too, but Leo-well Leo was Leo and he wasn't much help except when you needed a little circle time to forget about the day. It was better then nothing, Hyde thought.

He hadn't seen or heard from Kelso all week. No one had and Hyde was find with that. He wasn't sure what he would do to him if he did see him. He did wonder what the police department thought about his disappearance or if they even cared. Kelso had to be the dumbest cop in the whole state and they were probably glad to be rid of him. Why was he even worried? What the hell did he care if Kelso got fired? Kelso was a dumbass and deserved everything he got. Hyde tried to stay angry, but some part, deep down inside; some part of him that Jackie had brought to the surface did care about what happened to Kelso. They had been friends for so long and had been through a lot together. But he still couldn't get the image of him in that towel out of his head. Damn Kelso.

Hyde went into the back office and started going over the sales numbers from the last couple of days. They had lost a lot of money from being closed during the clean-up. He studied the papers trying to figure a way to get some if back, annoyed that he actually understood what all the numbers meant. He heard the little bell above the front door tingle.

"Hey, boss, it's just me," called a sing-songy voice.

"Hey, Missy, I'm back here," he said. He had hired Missy three days ago, just after they finished the clean-up. WB had recommended her. She had worked in the office for a few months but just didn't fit in. She was all spikey hair and torn jeans, definitely not office material. So far she fit in pretty good at the store. She usually worked the middle of the day. Hyde opened at 8:3- and she came in a little later (never the same time) and worked until whenever. Hyde would leave and then come back to close the store. He still couldn't trust anyone else to do it even though Missy had offered. They were long days sicne they rarely kicked anyone out before 11pm. But at least it kept his mind off of Jackie.

Missy had taken to calling him "boss man," which Hyde found ironic. He had gone from hating "the man" to being "the man." What was the world coming to? He chuckled to himself at the thought.

"What are you so cheery about today?" Missy asked.

"I don't do cheery," Hyde responded, very proud that his Zen was coming back to him.

"You just giggled."

"I did not. I do not giggle."

"Sure sounded like a giggle to me."

"Whatever."

"Yeah, okay, whatever."

Hyde watched as Missy rummaged through her purse looking for her name tag. He wasn't even sure why she wore it. He had never said anything about name tags; she just showed up the first day wearing a smiley face button that said, "My name is Melissa, How can I help?" Hyde found his new co-worker to be quite odd, in a perplexing sort of way. He couldn't figure her out. One minute she was saying that Black Sabbath was the greatest band ever and the next she was boogieing to KC and the Sunshine Band.. She came in with these awful punk outfits and her hair dyed two different colors but she wore a name tag that said her name was Melissa, a nice, normal name. She was a walking contradiction. At least she wasn't afraid to be herself. Hyde liked to hide behind his calm, laid back façade. It was easier that way. Missy was out there in all her mixed up glory and loving the crazy looks she got. He kind of admired her for that.

Hyde watched her bound out of the office and could hear her humming as she straightened the crates and dusted. He looked back at his paperwork and realized he hadn't thought about Jackie for a whole five minutes. Must be a new record, he mumbled to himself. Missy had switched on the stereo and was no full-out singing along. He recognized the album right away-ABBA. Why in the world did she put that crap on? Was she purposely trying to torture him. With that damn music in the background he couldn't help but think of Jackie. She loved to play this album just to get on his nerves. She knew if she kept it up long enough he would relent and give her whatever she wanted. "You are the young and sweet, only seventeen," he mumbled under his breath. God help him, he was singing along.

Missy, turn that crap off," he yelled.

"Whatever you say, boss." A few seconds later ABBA was replaced with some decent Rolling Stones.

Hyde shook his head and rubbed his eyes. Against his will, he wondered what Jackie was doing right then. She was probably at work with all those great looking TV guys having the time of her life. He doubted it, but it was better then imagining her alone at the motel crying. But I don't care, he told himself. She chose to end this whole crazy thing when she hooked up with Kelso, so what the heck do I care what she is doing right now? But he did care and it hurt thinking about her. He had been so scared to go to Chicago that night. So scared that he was making a mistake and throwing his life away that for a split second he was relieved that Kelso was there and he hadn't proposed but it only lasted a second. Now that Jackie was gone he realized, with intense displeasure, that he loved her more then he imagined he could ever love a woman.

Maybe they could work it out. Maybe he could forgive her. She had forgiven him when he slipped up with the slutty nurse. But that had been different. That had all been a misunderstanding. This was not. Jackie had slept with Kelso-KELSO, of all people. Damn Kelso. It could only possibly hurt more if they had done it in his own bed. Hyde shook the image from his head. His brain was starting to hurt from the overload of thinking. It always did when he got to thinking of one of his conspiracies. He needed a hit and bad, but he had no stash at the store anymore. He swore he would clean up his act, at least at work. He was almost 20 for God's sake and he had a business to run. What the hell was he talking about? Where did he get these work ethics from? Where the heck did he get ethics at all? God, what did Jackie do to him? Why did she have this effect on hi,? She made him feel, well, feel anything and everything. All those feelings he had locked up years ago when Bud had left town. He told himself he would never care about another person again; that he would never hurt the way it did back then. But he had let Jackie in and see where it got him.

Ugh. Hyde just wished he could forget Jackie Burkhardt existed. That was, of course, a lie he told himself. He didn't want that at all. He just wished he could see her, hold her, and, God forbid, talk to her.

He leaned back in his chair and wondered what Jackie was doing for the 10th time that day.


	5. The World Has Gone Mad

The Forman basement was a lot quieter without Jackie around. Hyde hated to admit he missed her endless chatter about cheerleading or the awful outfit someone was wearing on the game show they were watching. He stared at the TV, his arms crossed over his chest. They were watching some movie about a guy that did something awful to the girl he loved. Hyde felt sick. Why was the whole world out to get him? Everywhere he looked, happy couples mocked his misery. Red and Mrs. Forman were happy and always hugging each other. He kind of envied that. He could barely stomach listening to Donna gush about the love letters Forman had sent already. The guy had been gone for ten days and had written five times.

Even Fez was better off then Hyde. He talked endlessly about all the hot women at the beauty parlor. He even had a date with one of them. The world had gone completely mad. And Hyde wasn't invited to the madness. Everyone was happy except him. He had forgotten what it felt like. Jackie had made him happy, really happy, for the first time since he was a kid. She had filled an empty hole in his life. One he hadn't even known existed. Hyde sighed and realized that Jackie completed him. What a cliché, he thought. But it was true. He felt more alive then he ever had when she was with him. They didn't even have to say a word to each other, not that Jackie rarely shut up. Just having her by his side, holding his hand or resting her head on his shoulder, was enough to make his heart skip a beat. He would breathe deeply the smell of her shampoo and feel the weight of her pressed against him.

The last week had been an agonizing hell, a see-saw of emotions that took him from blinding rage to profound sadness.. All of which he hated. He hated feeling anything at all. Why couldn't he just go back to the way he was before, before he had feelings? Things were better then. He couldn't get hurt then. But he didn't have Jackie either. He had spend the week trying not to think about her. He tried to fill his heart with bitter cold that would at least numb the pain he was feeling but it hadn't worked. Late at night, when he was tired, he would lie in bed, half asleep, and the good memories would come. He would remember their first kiss on the hood of her dad's car when she insisted they go on that date. He had told her he felt nothing but even then it had been a big lie. Jackie was gorgeous and there was no way he could avoid feeling something fo her, but he had even surprised himself with the depth at which that kiss had effected him.

He laughed to himself remembering ll those times Jackie tried to convince him that she was in love with him and it was only a matter of time before he realized they were meant to be together. He had maintained that he couldn't stand her, but she had slowly broken down his defenses. She was intoxicating, better then the good stuff Leo got him. She would drift in with a breeze and his head would start to spin. Back then it was all he could do to keep a straight face around her, not to smile every time she came in the room. When he finally gave up and hooked up with Jackie he was surprised at how un-embarrassed he was with dating her. He thought it would be the most humiliating thing, but it wasn't. It just felt right and he didn't give a damn what anyone else thought.

He closed his eyes, remembering those times. Those were good times, easy times.

"Hyde? Hello?" Donna snapped her fingers at him.

"Huh?" he said, absently.

"You've been awfully quiet lately."

"Yeah, down right moody," Fez added.

"Did something happen with you and Jackie?" asked Donna.

Here it comes, thought Hyde. He had, so far, avoided the topic of his Chicago trip by avoiding his friends all-together. It wouldn't take Donna long to figure it out.

"Nothing happened," he said flatly, maintaining his composure.

"Has she called you at all?" Donna just wouldn't give up.

Hyde sighed. "No, she hasn't called."

"Hmm," Fez butted in. "Do you not think it is a interesting that Eric has written five times but Jackie hasn't called once? I mean Eric is leaving the country, but Jackie only moved a few hours away. Interesting, no?" Fez laugh. "Ah, burn."

"Shut up, Fez," Hyde snapped.

"But, don't you find it a little interest-"

"No, I don't."

Donna looked at him quizzically. She was already catching on, Hyde realized.

And still Fez wouldn't shut up. "But Eric has written five times…"

"Just drop it already, okay. Everything is fine." Hyde got up and headed for his room. He couldn't stand sitting with all of his happy friends any more. He threw himself on his bed, covered his eyes with his arm and waited. A few seconds later he heard a light knock on his door; it creaked open, slowly.

"Are you okay, Hyde?" Donna asked.

Hyde wanted to tell her the truth. He wanted to say how he found Kelso and Jackie and how hurt and angry he was, but that wasn't his style. Donna came in and leaned on his dresser.

"What happened?"

"Nothi-" Hyde started but trailed off. Donna was staring at him intently and he knew she wouldn't buy it. Donna was a good friend, he thought. He knew Fez and Charlie were still in the other room and probably listening but he had to get it all out. He sat up and faced her.

"When I got to Chicago I found Jackie at her motel." He took a dep breath. It was the first time he admitted what he had seen out loud. "She was with Kelso."

Donna cocked her eyebrow. "She was with Kelso?"

"No, she was with Kelso…" Hyde emphasized the "with" part and waited for it to sink in.

"Oh," Donna said. "Are you sure? Did you ask her what was going on?"

"I didn't wait around that long."

"Well, maybe nothing happened. He could have just gone to keep her company."

"He was naked. And when he walked in he said that no one could see them doing it from the parking lot."

"Well, that is pretty incriminating, but still-something doesn't add up," Donna told him.

"What? She wanted me to commit, I wouldn't, so she went back to Kelso. My math adds up," he said, sadly.

"I don't think Jackie would do that. Maybe the old Jackie, but…she loves you, Hyde."

"Funny way she has of showing it; sleeping with my best friend."

"Hyde-" Donna started. She sat there a long time staring at him. He felt uncomfortable under her scrutiny. She was picking apart all of his mistakes and all of a sudden the whole thing with Jackie seemed like his fault. But I didn't sleep with Kelso, he thought. Damn Kelso. But maybe it was his fault. If he had just told Jackie the truth, that he did see a future with the two of them together, then she wouldn't have left.

"If you really loved her, you'd give her a second chance," Donna said with a trace of anger in her voice. "She gave you a second chance." She stood up. Hyde looked up at her. When did she get so tall? he wondered, and so smart. Hyde felt sick again. He just didn't see how this was all going to work out. He was going to have to swallow his pride and talk to Jackie. He just wasn't sure if he was strong enough for that.

He followed Donna back into the basement. Charlie and Fez were still talking and he was pretty sure they hadn't heard a thing. Donna sat down next to Fez.

"What I want to know," Fez was saying, "is where the hell is Kelso? He hasn't been around all week." Donna's eyes widened and she coughed. Hyde headed for the door. "Come to think of it," Fez continued, "he wasn't at Eric's party either."

Hyde slammed the door behind him. Donna would probably tell them and then the Forman's would find out. They would pity him. Ugh, he thought, why did so many people have to care about him?


	6. A Little Help From Our Friends

Jackie picked up the phone after 4 rings. She half hoped it was Steven on the other linebut the voice that said "hello" was definitely a girl.

"Oh, hi, Donna," she mumbled.

"My dad said you called earlier…"

"Uh, yeah, I did. I just wanted to… I mean, I need…I…" Jackie trailed off.

"Are you okay?" Donna asked.

"Oh course." Jackie tried to sound cheerful but it was hard, what with all the crying and all. She sniffled.

"I talked to Hyde yesterday," Donna told her. "He's pretty upset. What the hell happened, Jackie? Why was Kelso in your motel room?"

Jackie broke down and started bawling. "Nothing happened, I swear."

"Well, I'm glad. And I didn't think anything did, but Hyde does."

"I know."

"You need to talk to him."

"I don't think he will ever look at me again," Jackie sobbed. "He hates me. I could tell from his look."

"He doesn't hate you, Jackie. He was just hurt and confused and angry. I don't blame him, but now he is just miserable. He just mopes around the house or works all day."

"He misses me?" Jackie asked, hopefully.

"Duh." Donna waited a minute for Jackie to grasp that bit of info. "So are you coming home or what?"

"I can't," Jackie started.

"Why not? Don't throw I all away for some stupid job."

"It's not that, Donna. I quit my job three days ago. I'm out of money and about to lost this room. I was calling-" Earlier it had sounded like a perfectly reasonable thing to do, to call her friend for help. But now that Donna was on the line, Jackie was finding it hard to ask. She hated sounding needy, hated to be reminded that she had little money any more.

Donna jumped in and saved her from asking. "You need someone to come get you? Why didn't you just ask, Jackie?"

"Thank you, Donna. Oh," she said, remembering something, "please don't tell Steven I'm coming home."

Donna sighed. "I won't."

Jackie hung up the phone and stared around the small motel room. The couple next door were very loud and very into what they were doing. This place sucks, Jackie thought. Why did she ever think she could be happy here? There was nothing left to do but wait for Donna to rescue her. Her bags had been packed for two days and she was just about out of money. Her stomach clenched tighter as she thought about what she would say when she saw Steven again. She was afraid he would just turn and walk away, not wanting to hear her out. Donna had said he still loved her, but Jackie was doubtful. Hw could he love her after this? Even if she hadn't done anything wrong. She wasn't sure if Steven would believe her and she didn't think she could convince Michael to confess the truth. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She let the tears come feely. There was no use trying to stop them, that only made it hurt more. She missed Steven so much. All she could think about was holding him in her arms. She wanted to feel the soft cotton of hi t-shirt against her cool skin, feel his warm breath cascade over her face, smell his aftershave and that hint of cologne she got him that he never admitted to using. She just wanted things back the way they were.

"Why did I ever try to get him to commit like that?" she asked out loud to the empty room. Hyde wasn't the type of guy to admit he wanted something like that. You just waited around long enough and eventually things worked out, that's who he did things. He either left or he stuck by you, proving that he was willing to commit. She couldn't just leave well enough alone, could she?"

Okay, she thought. I will go to the record store and march right up to him and say… She couldn't think of anything that sounded half way decent. She could just break down in tears and make him feel so sorry for her he would scoop her up in his arms and apologize for being a jerk. No, that wouldn't work. Steven was too smart for that. After a few other scenarios that sounded just as lame, she concluded that there was no way to prepare for that meeting. She would just have to go in there and face him and it would come to her then. Jackie buried her face in her knees and waited for Donna to arrive.


	7. The Things We Do For Love

Hyde was sitting in his office doing something he never thought he would do in a million years; he was writing Hackie a letter, and a heartfelt one at that. I'm so pathetic, he thought. Missy bounced in and Hyde covered the paper with his hand. She didn't seem to notice.

"Did we get any of those Aerosmith records in yet?" she asked. Hyde could smell her grape flavored bubble gum and found it soothingly familiar. He pulled a sheet from under his notepad and checked.

"I don't think so, but these idiots keep screwing up the orders so you might want to check in back." Missy did a little pirouette and leaped out of the room. Hyde snorted. The more he worked with Missy the more he liked her. She was a complete nut but she didn't cause him any grief so that was good. He found her so comfortable to talk to that he actually told her about Jackie. She didn't pry for more details or pity him. She just listened and offered some advice. It was on the other end of the spectrum from Donna's, though. She told Hyde to go out and get laid, and fast. Hyde snorted, thinking about it.

Hyde heard Missy talking to someone in the store but hadn't heard the door open. He looked up when she leaned through the doorway.

"There's a cop outside to see you," she said, nervous.

Hyde's eyes darted around the room, noting the dim haze that still filled the upper half of the office. It was a quick circle with Missy and Leo that had got him in the mood to write his letter to Jackie. He quickly sobered, though. "What does he want?"

"He just said he was a friend and wanted to talk to you."

"Oh." Hyde felt a surge of anger rise in him. He had been feeling more relaxed after he decided to talk to Jackie that he had forgotten why he had been so mad in the first place. He balled his fists, ready to give a beating. Kelso was standing in the middle of the store, looking scared. He twisted his police hat around and around. Hyde's anger subsided some. Instead, he just felt pity for his friend. Kelso looked like an overgrown child playing dress-up. He kept looking around nervously, shifting his had and fidgeting with his hat. Hyde tried to will the fury he felt before back into his heart but it didn't work. Kelso looked so damn pathetic. He took a deep breath and walked out of the office.

"You have three seconds to get your ass our of my store," he told Kelso, taking a step toward him. He could at least act furious, even if he didn't feel it.

Kelso jumped in surprise. "Just hear me out, Hyde," he blurted.

"You don't have anything to say that I want to hear."

"Come on, Hyde. We've been friends for too long."

"One…two…thr-"

"Alright, I'm going. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry and I hope we can still be friends." That was it. The anger was back and Hyde used it. It took two long steps for him to reach Kelso. The look of shock on his dumb face was a pleasant bonus. Hyde grabbed him by the collar and hauled back to hit him but just couldn't go through with it. Kelso stood with his eyes closed, waiting. Hyde let go of him and backed away.

"Damn, I can't hit you. You're a cop and I've spent enough time in jail."

"Go ahead, I deserve it," Kelso said.

"You do. But I'm still not going to hit you. Just get out of here." Hyde turned and went back to the office. He was surprised to hear the jingle of the bells on the door as it opened. He actually listened for once.

"What are you!" Missy was sitting on his desk, sucking a blow pop and reading his half finished letter. He snatched the pad of paper from her.

"It's really sweet and honest," she said without a bit of sarcasm. "Jackie is one lucky girl."

"No she's not. She could do a hell of a lot better then me." Hyde sat down in a huff and pushed Missy's legs away. She jumped down and sat in a chair across the room, draping her muscular legs over the arm and spinning it like a child.

"So, she's the first girl you ever loved?" Missy asked thoughtfully. Hyde rolled his eyes. Why did she have to go and start prying? He didn't say anything and pretended to read over what he wrote. "What I don't understand is if you were so sure you couldn't live without her, why did you go out drinking with your friends instead of going to her and telling her?"

Missy finally asked the one question Hyde was dreading. He didn't know why he chose to go out with the guys that night. Free beer was great, but had it been worth throwing away their relationship over? He sure didn't think so now. Missy had stopped spinning and was staring at him, apparently waiting for a n answer.

"I'm a dumbass, that's why.:

Missy laughed and went back to spinning. "Aren't all men?"

Hyde snorted. She was right. "I need some air," he told her as he ripped the used pages from his note pad. He stuffed them in his pocket and headed home.


	8. Facing the Music

It was dark when Donna dropped Jackie off in front of the store. The ride home in the Vista Cruiser had been quiet and very long. Donna hadn't said much and Jackie didn't offer to talk either. The only thing she had said was that it was nice of Mr. Forman to loan Donna the car. Donna waved to her as she got out. Jackie managed a weak smile and shut the door. The Vista Cruiser rumbled around the corner leaving Jacking standing alone under a lone street lamp. She could hear the din of music coming from the store.

This was it, she thought. Time to face the music. The store was empty except for the bizarre looking girl at the register. He hair was sticking out all over and her lips were painted an azure blue. Jackie could tell her hair had once been a brown color, slightly lighter then her own, but it had been dyed a platinum blond and the tips were tinted hot pink and neon green. She didn't seem aware that Jackie had come in, she just sat, chomping on her gum and twitching to the music.

"Is Steven here?" Jackie asked sheepishly.

"Who?"

Jackie looked around, dread growing in the pit of her stomach. She still had no clue what she was going to say to him. She wasn't entirely sure she'd be able to speak at all.

"Steven," she whispered.

"Oh, boss man." The brightly attired girl giggled. She flipped the pages of her magazine not even glancing at Jackie. "He ain't here."

"Do you know when he'll be back?"

"He didn't say. Just said he needed some air."

"Oh." Jackie turned to leave but was startled when the girl suddenly looked up and popped a huge purple bubble with her gum. She eyed Jackie thoughtfully. Feeling self-conscience Jackie smoothed her dress and touched each button checking to make sure they were all done.

The girl snorted. "You must be Jackie."

Taken aback by her tone she went on the defensive. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing'. You are just as I pictured, that's all. I thought Boss Man was exaggerating when he said you were a prissy little twit, but I guess I was wrong. You sure do look stuck up to me."

"Steven said I was stuck up?" A new hurt filled her already injured heart. The girl didn't answer her. Did Steven really think those things about her? she wondered. The girl started laughing-a loud, obnoxious laugh that lit every nerve in Jackie's body on fire. She was laughing at her, Jackie realized. She wasn't used to complete strangers laughing at her. She was far too beautiful for people to laugh at her, but this gum chewing, mismatched freak was doing just that.

"Who are you anyway?" Jackie demanded.

"I'm Missy," she said, all perky all of a sudden. "I work here now."

Jackie gaped at her, for once at a loss for words. She remembered her Zen lessons Steven had given her when she was trying to get over Kelso dating Laurie and was ready to answer with a cool and collected "whatever" when Missy interrupted her thoughts.

"You know, he talks about you all the time."

That threw Jackie. "He does?" A glimmer of hope snuck into her growing gloom.

"Yeah. Just today he said you could do a lot better." That was true, Jackie had to admit. "I think he decided you were just too far above him, class wise. He's going to stick to his own level this time around. Girls like you are just too high maintenance. Now, someone like me…well I won't care if he can't buy me expensive jewelry or take me to fancy dinners. I sure as hell don't care if I ever get married. Meaningless sex is enough to satisfy me. Just the kind of girl the boss man needs after dealing with someone like you." Missy looked up at Jackie's horrified expression and laughed even harder then before. It was a cruel laugh.

Jackie turned and ran for the door, completely humiliated.

"I saw him looking at my legs the other day," Missy called after them. "They are pretty bad ass."

Jackie kept running, not knowing where she was going. Could Steven really like that girl, she thought. The idea scared her so much. This whole time she had imagined Steven sitting in his room alone thinking of her. But maybe Steven had moved on already and his nights were spent curled up with that freak in there. Jackie gagged and felt her stomach heave. She fought back the urge to regurgitate her lunch and wiped the tears from her eyes. She realized she had no idea where she was and looked around trying to get her bearings. She could see a park down the street and wandered over that way. She remembered this place. IT was the playground they hung out as kids, before it was un-cool to swing all day and play tag. She settled into a swing and tried to think of something other then her boyfriend kissing the shapely legs of that color blind bitch in there.


	9. Passing the Keys

Hyde returned to the store around ten. Missy was helping a young couple find the perfect song to use at their wedding. Hyde choked back the feeling of loss. Jackie would have dragged him out like that and he would have said he hated it as much as that guy looked like he did. He secretly would have enjoyed himself, just being with her, but he never would have admitted it to anyone. The couple couldn't decided so they left. Missy followed them to the door and locked it behind them, flipping the sign to "closed" and closing the shade. She joined Hyde at the counter, leaning back in the chair and putting her tight, tanned legs up next to the cash register.

"Pretty slow night?" he asked, counting out the cash drawer.

"Pretty much," she answered, nudging him with the tip of her combat boots. Hyde glanced over at her legs. He had noticed yesterday that she had started to wear short skirts and jeans with half the ass ripped out. He had been meaning to mention that her outfits were getting a little risqué for the store, but hadn't found the time to bring it up.

"So, what are you up to tonight, boss?" She leaned back farther in the chair, letting her arms hang over the back. Her chest stuck out as far as humanly possible as she bounced to the music in a seductive way. Hyde was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with her around. She was acting really weird and not in a good way. "Hot date or anything?"

"Nope." Hyde hurried to finish with the cash drawer.

"You want one?"

Hyde jerked his head around to look at Missy. "Huh?"

She stood up and ran her finger down his chest. He was no fully aware that Missy was throwing herself at him and, God help him, he wanted nothing to do with it. What the hell has happened to me? he though. A slutty girl is all but undressing right in front of him and all he could think about was getting the hell out as fast as he could. He pushed her hand away and moved to the other side of the counter.

"Sorry, but it just wouldn't work out," he told her.

Missy started laughing, confusing Hyde. "You are way too easy to get worked up. I thought you were supposed to be this cool, don't care about shit, guy."

"I am." Hyde could barely get the words out with a straight face. What a load of crap, he thought.

"So, did you finish that letter to your girlfriend?" All of a sudden Missy was back to her nice, normal, although contradictory self.

"Um, almost." Hyde wasn't sure he wanted to divulge any more of his secrets to this nut. She was like Jekyll and Hyde on crack or something.

"She seems nice," Missy told him.

"Who does?"

"Jackie. I met her today."

Hyde's heart skipped a beat. "Jackie was here?"

"Uh huh. A little while ago. She didn't want to stay and wait for you. I told her you'd be back in a few minutes but she just ran out all huffy."

Hyde swallowed hard. Jackie was back in town already. What happened in Chicago? Was something wrong? He ran his hand through his curly hair. Exhaling slowly he tried to find his center and keep his cool. "Could you lock up tonight?" he asked, tossing her the keys.

"Aw, are you sure you are ready for this. Exchanging keys is such a big step in a relationship."

Hyde nodded and left in a hurry, not entirely sure Missy was joking. He drove straight to the Forman's house, expecting Jackie to be there, but she wasn't. The basement was empty. Where could she be, he wondered. He was about to call Donna to ask if she knew anything about this when a thought hit him. What if Jackie really hadn't wanted to see him. She ran out without waiting for him and he didn't want to seem too desperate.

"I'll just wait for her to come to me," he said to himself. He sat down in his usual chair and put his feet up on the coffee table. "She came here to apologize so let her do the work." Hyde sat there for five minutes trying to convince himself that the whole mess was Jackie's' fault and there for her responsibility to fix it. He just needed to wait for her to come to him. Suddenly he jumped up and ran to his room. He dug through the mess at the far wall, looking for a small black box. He found the lid right away but he had never seen where the rest had gone. He rummaged through every little thing in the corner, over turning boxes and shaking out dirty clothes, but he couldn't find it. He fell back on his arms, feeling weak and sick to his stomach again. How could he lose a $200 ring.


	10. Fatherly Advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Red looked down at his plate and back at Hyde's. "How come he gets a smiley face?"

Hyde sat at the kitchen table trying to keep control of his growing panic. Mrs. Forman set a plate in front of him-two over easy eggs and a slice of bacon smiled back at him.

Red looked down at his plate and back at Hyde's. "How come he gets a smiley face?"

"Because he's such a sad little guy," she said, wrapping her arms around Hyde's neck and kissing his cheek. He gently tried to disentangle himself from Mrs. Forman's grip. "Look how sad he looks," she continued holding Hyde's chin in her hands and turning it side to side. "First his parents abandon him and now Jackie leaves, too. She hasn't even called once since she left. Oh, you poor thing." She started kissing him on the cheek again. Hyde had enough. Why did she always have to mention his parents leaving, like constantly bringing it up was supposed to make it better? He pulled her arms from around his neck.

"Mrs. Forman," he started. She smiled sweetly at him in over-concerned, motherly way. "I'm fine. Really," he added, hoping it was enough to ease her worries. He had always liked Mrs. Forman. When he was a kid she always offered to have him stay for dinner or to spend the night. He usually accepted eagerly, but there were a lot times he had turned down the offer, telling her that his mom was waiting for him. It was usually a lie. Those times he did go home it was to an empty house or to his drunken mother and a night of criticism, rarely was there food involved. Even back then the Forman's were looking out for him, even if he was a hoodlum and he was corrupting their son. They really cared about him and accepted him for who he was. If it hadn't been for them, Hyde was sure he would have starved as a kid or would be in prison now.

"Well, okay, sweetie. I have to go work now, so you boys behave, hear me?" She patted Hyde on the shoulder and kissed Red good-bye. Hyde took a sip of his juice and glanced over the rim at Red. He sat leaning back in his chair, legs crossed, tapping a finger on the table. He had an amused look on his face.

Hyde tried to ignore him and eat his eggs but he didn't feel very hungry. His mind kept wandering back to Jackie. She was back, but she didn't seem to want to see him. But, then again, shy the heck did she come back, he wondered. It had been two day since Missy had told him that Jackie had come looking for him. He had spent all of yesterday on edge, anxiously waiting for her to come back to the store, but she never did. He had even gone over to Donna's to see if she knew anything about it. Donna had insisted she didn't know anything and had no clue Jackie was even back. Hyde had a sneaking suspicion that she wasn't being truthful. She seemed nervous and kept looking around.

Waiting around the store had been torture, not just because he had no idea what he was going to say to Jackie, but because Missy had gone psycho on him. He was beginning to think she had a split personality. One minute they were having a perfectly normal conversation about how Disco was the downfall of American music and the next she was rubbing up against him and trying to lick his cheek. She sure didn't understand how to be subtle. She would laugh at his shocked reaction and then go back to talking about music.

Frankly she was starting to scare him and he wondered what she was on. He was going to have to fire her if she didn't get it together. They did have a very interesting conversation after she insisted he needed some circle time to calm his nerves. He couldn't quite remember what they were talking about but it left him laughing so hard his side hurt. Missy had doubled over into his lap on the sofa. Hyde hadn't noticed until she started caressing his thigh, ending circle time.

He had left last night tired and drained emotionally. Every time the bells above the door jingled his heard would race and he would look to see just another customer. He was becoming paranoid, thinking Jackie didn't want to see him. For the millionth time since he started dating her he wondered how she could havet his effect on him and cause him to do and think and feel things he said he never would.

She could make his heart race with just a bat of her long eyelashes and stop his breath in his chest with her smile. Sitting on the couch in the basement, she would cross her legs so that her left foot would playfully rub his leg as she bounced it and his head would spin, a warmth spreading throughout his body. He would fight back the urge to grin like a fool. Then she would speak. She had grown up a lot in the last year. She used to bore him with long monologues on what her bitchy cheerleader friends had done or what she thought of the season's new clothing line. Those one sided conversations started coming less frequently as they started to discuss other stuff. Some if made Hyde more uncomfortable then the tirades about how she was prettier then half the girls in school, so why had she not been picked for homecoming queen. Jackie liked to talk about her future and that made Hyde want to run from the room, screaming. Not because he didn't want to have a future with her, he just didn't want to talk about it. She knew just how to get under his skin and that scared him. She knew him too well and that meant he was vulnerable and Hyde didn't like being vulnerable.

"When you're don," Red interrupted his thoughts, "can you come out to the garage. I could use your help."

Hyde snapped out of it and realized he was sitting with his fork half way to his mouth, a bit of egg still on it. Red shook his head at Hyde as he left. Hyde shoved his bacon into his mouth and downed his whole glass of juice before even swallowing his food. After pouring a cup of coffee he headed out to the garage.

He swore as caught himself looking down the driveway hoping, no wishing, Jackie would be standing there, sun glinting off her hair, eyes sparkling, freckles dotting her tanned nose. There was no one, though.

Red was sorting nuts and bolts into 20 year old baby food jars.

"What do you need help with, Red?" Hyde asked, putting his cup on the workbench.

"Steven, sit down," Red told him, gesturing to a near-by stool. Hyde did as he was told. Red dropped a few more hex bolts into a jar, avoiding Hyde's gaze. After a minute he sighed as if finally deciding there was no easy way to broach whatever subject he needed to talk about. Hyde grabbed his cup and swigged hi coffee to cover his discomfort. He felt trapped in the small garage with Red.

"Steven, you're a smart guy," Red began. "So why are you being such as dumbass?" Hyde stopped mid sip and stared at Red, confused. "I've known you most of your life and you've been living here for what seems like forever and I've watched you. You've built this reputation on being cool and uncaring. Yet time and again I've watched you go out of your way for one of your friends. You have always maintained your composure, though. Until now. Every since you and Jackie started dating you've been…different."

Hyde looked away at the mention of Jackie's name. He didn't like where this was going. Looking around, he tried to figure the quickest way out of the garage and the conversation.

Red continued, "for the first time I saw you care about something and not be afraid to show it." Hyde looked Red in the eyes, making every effort to look uninterested and unfazed by what Red was saying. Red stood with his hands in his pockets. When he spoke again he dropped his voice to a caring, gentle tone. "You love her, don't you?" he asked, watching Hyde.

Hyde felt his composure falter. He realized he was holding his breath and let it out a long sigh. He couldn't face Red anymore so he stared at his feet. Red didn't say anything for awhile; he just stood there. Then just as Hyde was thinking maybe that was going to be the end of it Red started speaking again.

"I found this in your room," he said, holding out his hand. Hyde took the bottom half of the black box from Red and stared at the ring inside. All the emotions from two weeks ago surged through him and he wanted to run from the garage, anything to get away from Red's penetrating gaze.

"She grows on you," Red said. He was full of all sorts of surprises today. Hyde had always thought Red didn't like Jackie, he was always complaining about her. "She's a nice girl, Steven." Hyde nodded. "So why aren't you with her?"

Hyde decided, since Red was being so open and honest, the least he could do was return the gesture. "She chose someone else."

"That kettle head, Kelso? That boy is dumber then nails. Jackie is too smart to fall for him again. Love isn't easy, Steven, but it is usually worth fighting for. You don't seem to be putting up much of a fight these days."

"I just can't give her what she wants. I can't be this knight in shining armor she thinks I am. I can't change who I am."

"Can't or won't?"

Hyde looked at him not sure what he meant.

"Have you tried changing at all?" Red asked.

"Why should I change? Shouldn't she just love me for who I am and be happy with that?"

"Of course not. You don't know how women work. They want to be in control, so if you want to keep most of your pride you have to give a little. It's just how things work. Like me and Kitty. I like to watch football on Sundays and she likes to go to church. She should just accept that I would rather sit at home but she doesn't. So, I give a little and go to church with her most Sundays and play sick when a really good Packers game is on. She's happy and I'm happy, most of the time."

Hyde sighed, staring at his feet again.

"And it's not like Jackie hasn't changed for you. She has become less…whiney and shallow, I have noticed," Red continued. "She seems to have really matured since she has been with you."

"That would have happened eventually. Everyone grows up some time," Hyde said, bleakly.

"So, you don't think she has changed at all?"

Hyde thought for a minute of how Jackie used to be and how she was now. She used to tell stories of how she would marry a rich doctor and live in a mansion with maids and butlers and throw elaborate dinner parties. Now her future fantasies included him and a little house, maybe a couple of kids. She had given up her fancy parties and big house for him. She was willing to throw that dream away to live the rest of her life with him. She was nuts, Hyde thought.

"If this girl really is the one, Steven, then you need to get it together and tell her before she's gone. She won't wait around forever for you. There will be someone out there willing to give her whatever it is she is looking for. Wouldn't you just rather that person be you?"

Defeated, Hyde stood up and crammed the box into his pocket. Red was right. He was being stupid about the whole thing. Half way to the door he thought of a question that had been nagging him all week. "What if she turns me down," he asked.

"Then you take it like a man. You suck it up and drink until you are too drunk to remember crying yourself to sleep." Red smirked and went back to his sorting. Hyde headed for his car. First thing he had to do was get rid of Missy. That girl was a train wreck and he didn't want to get caught up in it.


	11. Give and Take

Jackie paced back and forth across Donna's bedroom. Her nerves were so raw she jumped every time a car went by outside. Donna watched her from the bed, waiting for her to calm down and tell her what was wrong. Jackie kept wringing her hands and muttering to herself.

"Maybe I shouldn't have come back," she said, quietly.

Annoyed, Donna asked Jackie what was wrong.

"Have you seen the girl that works with Steven? I think there is something going on with them."

"You're nuts."

"They seemed pretty chummy to me." Jackie had gone back to the record store last night, determined to go inside this time. She had passed by four times earlier in the day but chickened out each time. She hadn't seen Steven in the store any of the times before but she knew he was there. His El Camino was always parked out front. The last time, though, the time she finally resolved to go in, she saw him sitting there on the couch. The shade on the door was down but she could see through the crack at the edge. Steven and that bitch, Missy, were having a circle and they seemed to being having a lot of fun. Steven was laughing harder then he ever laughed with her. Mostly when she was with him he would just let out little snickers and snorts. She didn't even know Steven could laugh.

Missy kept reaching over and touching his arm and leaning close to him. A couple times Steven even reached over and brushed her crazy hair off of her face. It was all Jackie could do to keep from barfing right there. She had gone back to Donna's and cried for most of the night. Donna had worked a late shift at the station and she had no one to talk to. When she heard a car door she thought Donna was home, but when she looked out the window she saw Steven standing in the Forman's driveway, staring into space. He seemed to be deep in thought. Jackie had bit back tears. Seeing Steven was harder then she thought it was going to be. She was scared he would see her in the window but couldn't tear herself away. She looked for any sign that he had been with that freak, but didn't see any. He looked tired and after a few minutes he shook his head and went inside.

Steven had been in the hose earlier, just before Donna had left for work. If he had shown up three minutes earlier he would have caught her sitting in the Pinciotti's kitchen, eating a jelly sandwich. She had just gotten to the top of the stairs when she heard a knock on the door. Donna answered it and Jackie was shaken to hear Steven's voice. He wanted to know if Donna had seen her. Donna kept her promise and told him now. Jackie felt so confused. First that Missy girl said that Steven thought she was stuck-up, then he showed up looking for her. Than, again, last night he looked really happy with the freak. She wondered what Steven was thinking about. Maybe he didn't miss her as much as she had thought or hoped.

"Jackie, this is getting ridiculous," Donna was saying. "Just go talk to him."

She shook her head. "I just can't. I don't know what to say."

"Ugh, I give up. It doesn't have to be this complicated. The two of you are making this out to be more then it has to be. You both have big egos and misconceptions about relationships. You both think it is about doing things your own way. Relationships are about compromise. You have to give and take, Jackie. If you want to be with him then you have to quit pestering him about marriage and stuff. He's not that kind of guy."

"But, if he won't marry me, how do I know he loves me and wants to be with me in the long run?"

"Because he will be there. You guys were together for almost a whole year. I thought that was a good sign he was willing to stick it out with you. That's the longest I've ever known Hyde to be with one girl. I think you are the first girlfriend he has ever had."

"But-"

"Give him time, Jackie. You can't push or coerce a guy like Hyde into doing anything. That is just going to make him defensive and turn away from you. He's only 19, for crying out loud. He doesn't want to get married yet. Give him a chance to just get used to being in a steady relationship, maybe that will turn him around on the marriage thing. And for God's sake, quit sneaking around with Kelso." Donna laughed and slapped Jackie on the knee, trying to get her to smile. "Look, I have to go work now. Hyde will probably be at the store all day, so why don't you go see him. If that slut is there then just tell her to get lost. You kicked Laurie's butt, I bet you could take her, too."

After Donna left Jackie sat for a long time thinking about what she had said. Why was she pushing the marriage thing so much? She heard a car door slam and couldn't help but look out the window. The El Camino was parked in the drive again and she saw Steven's back as he went into the house. A few minutes later he came out with Mrs. Forman. She hugged him and handed him a plate of cookies. He smiled at her, the way he only smiled at Mrs. Forman…or Jackie. She heard him say he had to get back to work and then he got back in the car. This is it, she thought. He's heading back to the store and she knew she was going to have to confront him. She looked in the mirror, checking to see if her make-up was all right. Perfect. She smiled at her reflection and tried to make it look less fake then she felt it was, then she hurried out the door.

"Oh, Jackie," Mrs. Forman called, startled.

Jackie halted. "Mrs. Forman."

"Steven didn't say you were coming for a visit."

"Um, well, I didn't exactly tell him I was coming."

"Oh, a surprise. How sweet. He just went back to work. He said he could only grab a quick bite. It must be really hopping over at the record store." She sniggered at her little joke. Jackie didn't get it.

"Um, I have to go now," Jackie said as she walked away.

"Okay, honey. Go surprise Steven. He needs a good surprise. That boy hasn't stopped moping since you left. Down right lonely, if you ask me."

Jackie smiled and waved bye. IT was only 5:30, but it looked "happy hour" had started a little early in the Forman house. Now, if only Jackie could keep her courage on the walk to the store. I'm going to do this, she kept saying to herself, over and over.


	12. It's Not What You Think

Hyde sat the plate of cookies on the counter next to the cash register.

"Oh, you brought me a present," Missy cooed.

Hyde frowned. Missy was almost acting normal now and he didn't want her to all Jekyll and Hyde on him now. "Mrs. Forman," he explained, "she thought I could use something more then just a peanut butter sandwich for dinner." He smiled his little half smile as he thought about how insistent she was about the cookies.

"They smell good. Can I have one?" Hyde shrugged. He didn't think he could eat two dozen cookies himself. Missy sat chewing, thoughtfully. "You know, I was thinking. That Jackie chick just ain't right for you. She's too stuck-up and conceited. You need someone more down to Earth. Someone who isn't going to try and drag you to the mall or ruin Charlie's Angels for you by yapping about how much cuter she would look in each of the costumes."

Hyde was amazed at how well Missy pegged Jackie The old Jackie, he thought. She wasn't like that anymore. Well, not all the time, anyway. "She's not stuck-up," Hyde mumbled, defensively. He still had this desire to protect Jackie. It was one of the strongest feelings he had towards her. His history of protecting Jackie went back years, back before they were together, heck, before they were even friends. He never understood why he wanted to defend her honor all the time.

At first he just felt sorry for her because Kelso was always screwing around behind her back, but then…he kind of started like how it felt, to be the strong protector. He hated to admit he had liked it when she would cry into his shoulder whenever Kelso did something wrong. He would pat her back, awkwardly, and tell her Kelso was a jerk. She would smile and feel better. Then she would turn around and go right back to him.

He had been really shocked with himself at the Forman's barbeque a few years ago. Jackie had brought some jerk and when the guy admitted he just wanted to sleep with her Hyde had gotten really mad. Then he had called her a bitch. That had been it. Before he knew what he was doing, he decked the guy, right in front of everyone. Jackie thought it was so romantic. Hyde had just been confused. Mrs. Forman said that he liked her, but he denied it. But maybe he had even liked her back then. He still remembered that kiss later that night. He thought about it a lot lately.

"Really," Missy said, absently. "She seemed pretty stuck-up when she was telling me how she lowered herself to be with you. She said it was just so embarrassing to be seen with you most of the time and hoped she could at least get you to dress a little nicer."

Hyde didn't know what to say to that. He wasn't sure if she was telling the truth or playing one of her crazy games. HE was pretty sure, though, that he was going to fire her in the morning. The door opened making Hyde jump. Two giggly junior high girls walking. They searched through one of the crates, occasionally pointing and laughing at Missy.

"She ain't coming," Missy told him. "You're just not worth the effort for her."

"Then why did she come back?" He was trying to trip Missy up, make her see her logic was flawed.

"I dunno. Maybe she just wanted to rub it in. I bet she brings that guy I saw waiting for her outside."

"What guy?"

"I didn't really see. They just walked off together. I told you she's no good for you. If she is causing you this much grief then it isn't worth it. You need a girl that will let you be, just come and go when you need her for, you know…" Missy moved in close to Hyde and ran her finger down the side of his face. Before he could push her away he felt her other hand slide across the top of his belt. She started to slide her fingers into his pants, causing him to jump.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Just giving you what you need, boss man. That bitchy cheerleader would probably never let you do it in public." She inched closer to him, wrapping her arms around his neck and one leg around his back. Hyde surprised himself and wasn't even interested. He tried to push her away. Missy grabbed his shirt collar and planted a hard kiss square on his lips. He struggled to free himself, but Missy was stronger then she looked. Her tongue forced it's way into his mouth. She spun him around so he was backed against the counter. He kept pushing her away and she kept pulling him closer. The two little girls screamed and ran from the store. Hyde watched them go and to his horror saw someone standing in the doorway. With all his might he forced Missy off of him.

"Jackie," he gasped.

Her face was completely white and he could see tears glistening down her cheeks. She ran out of the store. Hyde moved to go after her, but Missy pulled him back. Hyde broke free and ran for the door. He could hear her laughing as he left. It was an evil laugh that sent a chill down his spine. Outside, he waited for his eyes to adjust to the dim lighting. The sun was going down and the street lights hadn't gone on yet. He pulled off his shades, searching the surrounding blocks for her. Then, he caught sight of her flowery skirt going around the corner. He ran after her.

"Jackie, wait," he called. She either didn't hear or didn't want to stop, he was pretty sure it was the latter. "Jackie!"

She stopped dead in her tracks. As he got closer he could see her muscles tense up, but that couldn't hide the small movements in her shoulders. She was sobbing, or tying not to, without much luck. He went to put a comforting hand on her shoulder. She smacked it away and whirled around.

"Don't you dare, Steven Hyde. Don't you dare try to comfort me. Don't even touch me," she spat the words with such intensity that Hyde backed away. Her eyes pierced into his very soul and he felt very small right then. He didn't know what to say to her. She stopped crying, her misery replaced with blinding rage. She just kept staring at him.

"It's not what you think," he started.

"Argh," she said, throwing up her hands. "They all say that. Do you know how many times I heard that from Michael?"

Hyde felt ashamed, a feeling he didn't like. It sounded so lame, but it was the truth. But, Jackie saw what she saw. How was he going to explain this to her? Then he remembered Kelso in the towel. This was her fault, he told himself. None of this would have happened if she hadn't been so…clingy, so demanding, so… He felt the anger build. After all of that with Kelso she was now trying to turn this around on him, make it his fault. Well she wasn't going to get away with it.

Jackie glared at him then started yelling again. "I can't believe you would do it with that freak. She's such a slut. But I guess you like your girls that way, huh?"

That stung. She, of course, had to bring up his one infidelity. Okay, he thought, she wants to play this game. He needed something clever to say in return, but before he knew what he was doing he had opened his mouth and was surprise at what came out. "Well, at least she wants to do it with me. And she liked it, too. Why don't you just go back to Kelso. God knows it was always easy for you to give it up for him." Hyde's heart stopped. Did he just say what he thought he said? He immediately regretted it. What the hell was he thinking? Apparently he wasn't thinking at all. Slowly he met Jackie's eyes. Her bottom lip trembled and her eyes glistened with welled up tears. Hyde felt sick again. His hands were clammy; his mouth felt dry and he was having a hard time breathing.

"Well, maybe, I would have slept with you if I wasn't so afraid of getting some disease from one of your slutty escapades," she hissed.

Hyde bit his lip, trying to keep himself from saying anything else he would regret. It didn't work. He felt humiliated and hurt. He stepped closer to Jackie, grabbing her arm. "Year, well, the only reason I stuck around this long was 'cause I wanted to see if you were really as good in bed as the wall in the locker room said."

Oh crap. Hyde, you dumbass, he yelled at himself. Jackie's eyes went wide. She slapped him hard across the cheek and stormed off. Hyde refused to rub away the sting. He deserved it. Heck, he was ready to hit himself. He just stood on the street watching her walk away. What did I do? His whole body trembled. Why do I always have to be such an ass? he wondered. He hadn't meant any of that stuff. He just wanted to make her hurt as much as he did, but he went overboard.

He had never pressured Jackie into sleeping with him. He had tried more then a few times, but she always said she wasn't ready. Or, that she wanted it to be more special. He never pressed the issue. The truth was he kind of wanted it to be more special then on his tiny cot in his smelly bedroom, or in the back of his El Camino. Jackie deserved better then that. He had never gone out with someone that long and not slept with them. And it really didn't bother him. It was nice to be in a relationship that wasn't only about sex.

"Oh God, what did I do now?" he asked the empty street. He slowly made his way back to the store. He felt tired and old, worn down by life. He had just sunk to an all time low. How could he tell Jackie those things. Sometimes his mouth had a mind of it's own. He was thinking, "I love you, Jackie," and "I'm sorry, Jackie," but instead his mouth went off on it's own. He wasn't sure what he was going to do. He guessed he would have to go find her and try to convince her that he had a seizure or something. She'd never understand. It was hopeless. I need a drink, he thought.

Hyde marched back to the store and announced that everyone had to leave, startling several young kids in the corner.

Missy smiled seductively at him. "Come back for more, boss man?"

"You," he yelled. "Get the hell out of my store. You are damn lucky I don't hit girls, although, I am certain I could make an exception for you."

Missy didn't seem fazed at all by his threat or the fact that she had just lost her job. She picked up her magazine and grabbed another cookie from the place. Hyde tried to leave plenty of room for her to get around him, but she didn't take the hint. She purposely moved in close to him, jammed the cookie in his mouth and pulled his face close to hers. She locked eyes with him, then put her lips close to his ear. "You don't know what you are missing. I could have fulfilled your wildest fantasy." She ran her tongue up the side of his face before grabbing his earlobe between her teeth and biting down. Hyde stood there in disgust, waiting for her to finish. It took all his will not to slug her. She let go and bounced away.

"So, I'll stop by next week to get my paycheck, okay?" she asked cheerfully.

"I'll mail it to you," Hyde growled.

"Oh, okay then. I guess I'll see you around then." She blew him a kiss and left.

"FREAK!" Hyde yelled after her. What a frickin' psycho, he though.


	13. My Buddy, Jack

I need to find her, Hyde kept telling himself as he got in the car. Except he didn't go look for her. He just drove home feeling too exhausted to do much of anything. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and slumped into one the kitchen chairs. Red and Mrs. Forman banged through the swinging door, arms around each other, flushed and all smiles. Hyde downed the rest of his beer in one gulp, almost gagging himself.

"Oh, Steven, you're home early," Mrs. Forman said with one of her laughs.

"Is that one of my beers?" Red barked. It wasn't so much a question as an accusation.

Hyde crushed the can and tossed it in the trash. "Looks like it." Red squinted at him like he was trying to decide if he wanted to hit him or put his foot in Hyde's ass. Hyde didn't care anymore. He pushed past Red, grabbing another beer from the fridge. The look of indignation on Red's face was almost worth it. Hyde had been old enough to drink for almost two years now, but there was still a house rule in effect-nobody touched Red's beer. Hyde defiantly pulled the tab on the can and started chugging. He wasn't even sure why he was being such a dick. He could have just told Red he needed a beer and Red would have understood. Instead he had to be a smart ass.

Hyde stared at Red, waiting for him to rip the can from his hand. He was in perfect Zen form at that moment, and for the first time felt Zen. He didn't care about anything Red could say to him or how he looked at him that moment, trying to scare him out of the kitchen. Hyde stood his ground with what little pride he had left and used all his will to maintain his unflappable demeanor. His face was blank, not a single sign of emotion.

Mrs. Forman stood next to the door, wringing her hands and looking uncomfortable about the confrontation. "We could all use a drink," she laughed.

Hyde reached in the fridge and pulled out another beer, tossing it to Red. He waited for Red to throw it at his head or something, but he opened it and went to sit at the table. Hyde moved to join him when the sliding door flew open, catching him off guard.

Donna marched right up to Hyde. He backed away slightly, losing his composure and bumping against the edge of the counter. He was trapped again. Mrs. Forman looked surprised. Red just looked amused, like he was watching a good TV movie, but forgot the popcorn. He sipped his beer instead.

Donna slapped him hard enough to knock him off balance. He grabbed the edge of the counter for support and felt the sting all the way down the left side of his body. He tried to keep his blank expression, but it wasn't easy.

"What the hell were you thinking!" she screamed at him. "How could you say those things to her?" She just got home and…"

"Wait, she's been at your house this whole time?" Hyde interrupted. "You said you didn't know where she was."

"Don't change the subject, Hyde. She's leaving anyway. She already packed her bags."

Jackie was leaving again, he thought to himself with a twinge of panic. He finally looked away from Donna. Red was still sitting, amused, one eyebrow cocked. Hyde was almost sure he would break out laughing any second at Hyde's misery. He didn't dare turn around and see what Mrs. Forman thought of this scene.

"You better find her, Hyde," Donna said, poking her finger into his chest. "You better find her and make this thing right or I swear to God I will never speak to you again." She turned on her heals, but at the door stopped as if she had something else to say. She spun around and was back in front of Hyde in two strides of her long legs. She smacked him again, just for good measure. "Bastard," she screamed as she slammed the sliding door.

Hyde felt ashamed and embarrassed by the whole outburst. Red just shook his head. Slowly Hyde raised his hand to his injured cheek. He had been slapped by girls before, but never so hard and never three times in just one hour. He gingerly rubbed his burning face, but then stopped. He deserved that pain. He suddenly had an overwhelming urge to hit himself again. He needed a good sock to the head. He rubbed his eyes. Behind him Mrs. Forman laughed, a loud, grating laugh.

"How about those drinks," she said, then retreated into the living room.

Hyde threw his head back and looked at the ceiling. He was acutely aware of Red staring at him.

"So, what did you do this time, dumbass?" Red chuckled at Hyde. "Maybe I was wrong about you. Maybe you aren't as smart as you think you are." Red shook his head. He's pitying me, Hyde thought. This infuriated him even more. He was so tired of everyone feeling sorry for him all the time. He just wanted to be alone.

The sound of the El Camino's engine coming to life soothed his nerves. He spun out of the driveway and tire down the street, tires squealing. He needed another drink, one with less judgment. He screeched to a halt in the parking lot of his favorite bar. It was the sleazy kind, the kind his mom would have frequented. Full of obnoxious jerks like himself, trying to drink away their problems.

He ordered a shot of whiskey. He put the little glass to his lips and downed it with a flip of his head. Slamming the glass onto the table he motioned for another. He normally didn't drink hard liquor, but today he wanted to forget his troubles and quickly. What better way then with a little help form his friend, Jack Daniels. After two more rounds he was already starting to feel woozy. He remembered why he stuck to beer when his stomach gurgled it's disapproval. He belched. The guy down at the other end of the bar snorted. He thinks I can't hold my liquor, Hyde thought. He was about to prove the guy wrong, but changed his mind. What the hell did he care anyway. He motioned the bar tender over.

"Another?" the guy asked, grabbing for the bottle.

Hyde shook his head. "Beer, whatever's on tap." The short, stubby old man slapped a coaster down in front of him and a couple seconds later a tall, frothy glass of Budweiser covered it. Hyde wiped away some of the foam, then gulped the beer down, not stopping to take a breath.

He wasn't sure how long he stayed at the bar, or how many drinks he had. Hell, he couldn't even remember how he got home that night. He only hoped he hadn't done anything stupid. He rubbed his eyes and slowly looked around. He was passed out in his own bed and, with a sigh of relief, saw that he was alone. At least he didn't bring any slutty whores home with him. He could hear Fez and Charlie watching cartoons in the other room. His head was pounding and he felt sick. Rolling over, he pulled his pillow tighter around his ears. Why couldn't the world just explode and put him out of his misery? he thought.


	14. This Girl is Going to be the Death of Me

Hyde stayed that way, in a drunken stupor, for a week. He had briefly considered going next door and apologizing to Donna and trying to find out where Jackie had gone, but he couldn't bring himself to look her in the eye. He guessed she wasn't speaking to him anyway, since he hadn't gone after Jackie. Mrs. Forman came down a couple times a day to check on him.

She would knock and try to get him to eat something. He refused to leave his room so she left sandwiches outside his door. He ate them, but they left a sour taste in his mouth. WB had stopped by when Hyde hadn't shown up for work. At first he was fuming, but when he saw Hyde's face, his voice softened. He had asked Hyde if everything was all right. Hyde, of course, lied through his teeth. He told his father he was coming down with the flu. He must have looked like hell because WB told him to take the week off.

He hadn't had anything to drink the night before. He knew his little vacation was coming to an end and he needed to sober up. Time to face the real world, he told himself. He rubbed his eyes and sat up on his arms. The room was dark and cold. He put on a clean t-shirt from the hamper near his door. Mrs. Forman must have done his laundry. He wondered how she had gotten in, but guessed she had done it while he was passed out. He put on his glasses, running his fingers through his curly hair. He felt like crap. Fez and Charlie were sitting on the couch, eating Tootsie Rolls, and watching Price is Right.

Hyde wondered what time it was. He wondered what the heck day it was. His mind was still fuzzy. The guys barely paid any attention to him as he went up the stairs to the kitchen. Mrs. Forman was standing near the stove having a cup of coffee. She looked startled when he came through the door.

"Oh, Steven, you're up," she said. "How are you feeling, honey?"

Hyde wasn't sure how much Mrs. Forman knew. She acted like a bit of scatterbrain most of the time but she knew a lot more then she let on. Like with Laurie sleeping around or Red sneaking food he wasn't supposed to have. Hyde poured himself a cup of coffee and sat at the table, rubbing his temples.

"Are you hungry?" she asked. Hyde shook his head. He didn't feel like eating or doing anything that would make himself feel better. "Well, if you do get hungry, you know where everything is." She patted his shoulder and went into the other room, leaving Hyde with his thoughts.

He realized it must be past noon. The sun was shining brightly into the kitchen and he could hear birds chirping merrily outside. He pushed his glasses up and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. Little white and yellow stars burst all around him and he willed away the burning feeling.

"Steven, honey," Mrs. Forman said, coming back in the room, "could you do me a favor. Could you take this over to Donna. It's from Eric, but the mail man left it here by mistake." She held out an envelope.

Hyde felt a sense of panic wash over him. It was just so preferable to the utter despair he felt seconds earlier, he thought. God, he was even sarcastic in his own head. "Um, Mrs. Forman, in case you didn't notice, Donna and me aren't exactly on speaking terms."

"Well, I didn't say you had to carry a conversation about it, just go knock on her door and hand it to her. Just duck if she tries to hit you again." Mrs. Forman laughed at that.

Hyde gripped the letter tightly in his hand as he rounded the fence heading into the Pinciotti's back yard. He was just going to do exactly what Mrs. Forman said. He would go to the back door, knock and hand the letter to whoever answered. Simple, he thought. He heard voices as he went around the corner of the house but barely registered them until he found himself standing face to face with Donna and Jackie. Oh, God, he thought. Donna looked ready to leap across the yard and pound him. Hyde broke into a cold sweat and his mouth went dry.

He stood frozen, like someone glued his shoes to that spot. He locked eyes with Jackie. He tired to find some hurt in them, but ass he saw was a churning hatred. Hyde swallowed hard. Jackie stood perfectly still, holding his gaze. She was trying to stare him down, he thought. Two could play this game. Hyde was the master of stare downs. He had perfected it through years of practice and Jackie had never been any good at it.

They stood that way for a long time, just staring. Hyde's heart was racing and his breathing was fast and shallow. Jackie's eyes bore into him with disdain. Hyde once again felt his composure crumbling. He couldn't keep this up. He would have to look away. Why had he been so stupid, he wondered. Here he was standing just ten feet away from her and Jackie was ready to attack with the slightest provocation and all he could think of was how beautiful she looked. Why couldn't he have just told her the truth. She had wanted some sign, a glimmer of hope, that they would be together in the future. At first she wanted a proposal, but when she didn't get that she had still come back and was willing to settle for that sign, anything. But, he hadn't been able to say it. Instead something stupid came out of his mouth, something he regretted right away, like last week.

The truth, whey you got right down to it, was that he couldn't imagine not being with her, not waking up next to her every day for the next 50 years. So why was it so hard to tell her that. It was all she wanted to hear but Hyde's stupid pride always got in the way. He refused to let her win the battle and look where it got him. He felt his blood pounding in his head and half hoped he'd stroke out right there. He swallowed hard again, but it didn't help the dry feeling in the back of his throat. Every emotion he had ever experienced with Jackie came flooding back and he trembled.

He realized he was losing her. Her eyes said it all. They screamed, "get the hell away from me you jerk!" But Hyde still couldn't move . He couldn't look at her anymore. He dropped his head and examined Forman's girly handwriting, fingering the edge of the envelope. Jackie snorted. He glanced back up at her and she had a triumphant smirk on her face. Hyde felt like throwing up. He had to say something, but couldn't think. His mind was racing. There were so many things he wanted to tell her, so many truths he had been too afraid to admit to her, or to himself. But where to start?

He cleared his throat, trying to find his voice, opening and closing his mouth several times. He took of his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose then let his gaze fall on Jackie again. She met his eyes once more, challenging him to look away again, but this time he didn't have his shades to hide behind. He knew she would see his true feelings in his eyes; she could always do that. She still stared, not blinking at him. Her eyes looked cold and uncaring. Hyde just couldn't keep eye contact with her and he looked down at the letter again, remembering why he came.

Clearing his throat again he said, "Um, Mrs. Forman asked me to give you this, Donna. It's from Forman."

Donna's expression softened as she ran over, snatching the envelope from his hand. She tore it open and started reading, her head nodding with each word. A smile spread across her face. It vanished when she looked back at Hyde. She scowled at him then went into the house. Jackie made to follow her. He had to do something fast before she was gone and suddenly he found his voice.

"Jackie," he started, grabbing her arm as she headed for the door. She jumped back at his touch with a squeak. A current went through Hyde that set every nerve on fire. He felt like heart stopped at just the touch of her skin against his rough hands. He fought to catch his breath. "Jackie, wait. I just wanted to tell you how sor-"

"Don't," she murmured. "Don't tell me how sorry you are, Hyde. I've heard it all before." She pushed past him and slammed the door. He would have said more, but he lost his train of thought when Jackie spoke. She called me Hyde, he thought. She hadn't called him Hyde in years. She really knew how to hurt him. He felt his chest tighten. He couldn't breath, couldn't move. All he could do was stare at the empty space that Jackie had occupied moments earlier. She called me Hyde. It hurt a hundred times more then the slap. He realized he had been holding his breath and gasped for air. All of a sudden the yard seemed too small, too confining. He searched his pockets for his keys, digging around the small box that was still pressing into his leg.

He jammed the car into gear and peeled out of the driveway. He saw Mrs. Forman run out of the kitchen to see what was going on as he tore down the street. His first instinct was to go back to the sleazy dive he liked and drink until the pain was gone. He was heading that way when he realized he was becoming more and more like Bud every day. All he seemed to do was drink anymore. He didn't want to be like that. Bud had run out on him. His mom drank and she left him, too. Oh God, he thought. He turned right at the next intersection and headed out of town. He didn't want to run away from his problems like his parents had. He knew he had to face up to her, to be a man, but it was damned hard. Doing the right thing always was, he told himself. He drove around for twenty minutes, clearing his head. He found himself stopped at the same place he took Jackie on their first "date" years ago.

He turned off the engine and got out. A soft breeze cooled his clammy skin. Leaning his elbows on his knees, he sat on the hood of the car trying to figure out how to fix things. If it hadn't gone so far. Maybe he could have bought her something, flowers or those earrings she had been eyeing last month. It was too late for any of that now, too late for even the ring in his pocket.

Suddenly he had an overwhelming desire to feel even more pain. Where did that come from? he wondered. He wanted to hurt more, to hurt so bad that he would never forget it so he would never screw up like this again. He decided he would just go tell Jackie what he had been meaning to tell her all this time and be humiliated. He deserved it and so did she. She deserved to hear him say it out loud-the truth. Even if she slapped him or laughed or just walked away. At least she would know how he felt. She might not believe him right away, but maybe someday, when she was old and gray and ran into each other again, she will have forgiven him and would know that long ago he had loved her with every fiber of his being.


	15. The Confession

"Where are you going to stay?" Donna asked Jackie as she watched her pack. Jackie shrugged. She didn't have any other friends in Point Place.

"I just know I can't stay here," she told her best friend. It was too painful being so close to Steven. "Maybe I'll try and get my job back in Chicago."

Donna sat on the bed next to Jackie's pink suitcase. She seemed at a loss for words. It wasn't like Donna not to have some meaningful advice. Jackie closed the suitcase and sighed. She felt like her life was oer. How did it happen so quickly, she wondered. Just a few weeks ago she was perfectly happy. She had turned 18, graduated form high school. She had a boyfriend who supposedly loved her and a career ready to take flight. Now she sat in Donna's room with nothing-no job, no place to live and no Steven. She felt tears burning her eyes again, but she refused to cry anymore of Steven Hyde.

Steven had made I perfectly clear how he felt about her. It wasn't so much in what he had said to her. She knew that he had been angry and probably didn't mean any of it, but he still said it and that was what hurt the most. How could he say those things in such a callous way without even flinching. Steven could be so cold sometimes. He had stood there and told her he had slept with that skank with a straight face. He had purposely tried to hurt her. Jackie was pretty sure he hadn't slept with Missy. He promised never to do that again and she trusted him, but seeing that whore draped around him and sent her head spinning. She couldn't think of anything else.

Jackie wasn't entirely innocent in all of this either. She knew that. She had said a lot of hurtful things, too. And worst of all, she had called him Hyde. She wanted something that would hit him in the gut like an 18 wheeler, something he wasn't about to shake off. She used to call him Hyde way back when. The only people that called him Steven were Mr. and Mrs. Forman, but when she started to get a crush on him she switched to his first name. She asked him once if it bothered him that she called him Steven. He had sat there quietly fo a few seconds then finally admitted that it didn't, that in fact he liked it. Jackie had felt all fuzzy inside when he told her that. She knew calling him Hyde would get his attention. It would make clear exactly how angry she was with him without her having to say it. He had just stood there, staring. Jackie had peeked over her shoulder to see the look on his face; it was one of utter defeat.

At first Jackie had been satisfied with her victory, but the more she thought about that look the sadder she got. She had hurt him down in the core of who he was. The kind of hurt Bud had done to him and, on a lesser scale, his mother. He didn't talk about that kind of hurt, but she knew it was there. He looked… Jackie fought to find the right word. He looked betrayed. Jackie felt tired. She wanted to curl up in her warm blanket and sleep for three months.

"I think I'm going to go for a walk," she told Donna.

"Do you want me to come with?" Donna asked, worried.

"No, it's okay. Maybe I'll go to the mall. That always cheers me up."

"Jackie," Donna started. Jackie turned waiting for Donna to ask her something else. Donna seemed to fight with her own good senses then finally sighed and asked, "do you still love him?"

Jackie looked down at her feet. Her pink toenails peeked out from the end of her sandals. She caught herself admiring how nice they looked, but felt ashamed that she was thinking about something like that now. She really was conceited, she thought. She finally looked up at Donna, hoping her expression said it all because she didn't think she could say the words. Donna nodding in understanding and dropped the subject.

Jackie took the bus to the mall. She thought back to a time when she wouldn't have been caught dead taking public transportation, but she wasn't that same person anymore. She watched all the people on the bus and wondered if their lives were as complicated as her own. She figured they were. That was just how life was. She wondered around the mall for a couple of hours. Her heart wasn't into shopping and that scared her a little. She only bought one thing-a Rolling Stones t-shirt that she knew Steven would have liked. She planned to wrap it up and leave it in the front seat of his car, just so he knew she didn't completely hate him. It was already getting dark when she left. Jackie wandered around the streets of Point Place kicking herself for all of the mistakes she had made in the last month.

A cold breeze stirred the trees. Jackie realized she hadn't brought her sweater and wished she had bought one at the mall, but it was too late now. She rubbed her arms, looking around for a place to warm up. Her heart skipped when she realized where she was. Just thirty feet away sat the El Camino parked outside Grooves. Jackie swallowed hard. Breath, she told herself. How did he have this effect on her, she thought. How could he stop her breathing just by the mere thought of him. She shuddered. She could just turn and run back to Donna's. Steven would never know she had been there, but some part of wanted to see him again. She wanted to know if she had sent him running to the arms of that freak, Missy, our of pure spite for her. She snuck closer to the store, trying to see through the blinds on the window.

Steven was sitting on the couch, his face in his hands. Jackie moved to the door to get a better view. WB was standing over him. He glanced up and Jackie realized she was in full sight. She stumbled back, but not before she WB tap Steven on the shoulder. His head had shot up before he jumped from the couch. Jackie didn't wait to see what else he did; she ran as fast as she could. She didn't hear the door open behind her so she calmed a little as she found herself outside of the playground again. She walked around to the opening in the fence and looked around.

She swore she could still hear the laughter of children playing. She shivered, still thinking of her forgotten sweater. She didn't know what else to do so she sat on one of the old swings and kicked the ground with the tip of her sandal, watching dirt spill over the edge covering her manicured toes. She felt so tired. The last weeks had drained her will to live. She wanted the world to just end, to put her out of her misery. She never thought she could ever feel this way and was glad she had never experienced it before.

Even all the time Michael cheated on her she had never felt this way. She thought she had loved Michael, but now she wasn't sure. The only explanation for the way she felt was that she was truly, madly in love with Steven Hyde. Why couldn't that be enough, she wondered. She just had to keep pushing him, keep trying to get her way like the spoiled little rich girl she was. She swung slowly on the swing dragging her pink painted toes in the dirt. She heard the chain link fence behind her clanking, then the sound of feet scuffing the dirt. Her whole body tensed.

Steven slowly sat in the swing next to her. He didn't say anything for a long while. Jackie couldn't bring herself to interrupt the silence. She was afraid she would say any of the millions of evil, hurtful things that were running through her head. She sat, waiting for Steven to speak. She figured he would just give a pathetic apology like before, but instead he cleared his through and said softly, "this is all my fault."

Caught off guard, Jackie didn't respond. She knew it wasn't all his fault. She wanted to say something, anything to make him feel better. All the angry retorts from earlier drained away, leaving her mind blank and numb. She struggled to find something to say to fill the silence between them.

"We don't have to get married, of you really don't want to," she finally said, surprised at herself. It had been what she was thinking all along, but hadn't meant to actually say it out loud. She spoke as if the last two weeks hadn't happened, like they were still together and she was letting him off the hook from their last fight. When she looked up Steven was staring at her. The anger from the other day was gone. He looked tired. Before he could say anything else she started said, "I'm sorry, Steven. I'm sorry about everything. I just wish we could go back in time."

"And forget there was ever an us?"

Shocked, she jumped off the swing and picked up her shopping bag. Was that what he was thinking? Didn't he understand her at all? She started to walk away, the ground crunching loudly beneath her shoes.

"I'm not sure I can ever make you understand exactly how much I love you." His voice echoed across the playground, stopping Jackie in her tracks. She felt tears spring to her eyes. When he put his hands on her shoulder her knees went weak and she thought she would collapse. "I'm not sure I can ever make you understand how utterly sorry I am for what I said last week," he whispered in her ear. The effect was astonishing. Her whole body tingled as she fought of the urge to turn and kiss him.

She could hear a tremble in his voice when he spoke again. "Jackie, I'm not really good at all this emotional stuff. I'm not ever going to be this guy that you want me to be. I'm never going to go around telling you how beautiful you are and how much I love you every second of the day. I can't come out and say that I can't imagine not being with you for the rest of my life. I can't promise I won't leave because I don't know and it scares me to think that I would ever have a reason to leave. But, I've had so many people in my life that supposedly loved me leave…" He took a deep breath. Jackie felt her tears stinging her cheeks but didn't wipe them away.

"I can't promise you anything," he continued, "except that if you give me a chance I will try to do right by you. I can't give you a mansion on a hill with a butler, but I will always love you and take care of you. If that isn't enough for you then I don't think we can save this relationship."

He let go of her shoulders and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans. Jackie tried to regain her composure. She didn't know what to say to Steven's sudden confession. She was so proud of him, knowing what courage it took to do what was probably the hardest thing he had ever done in his life. She didn't want him to think it wasn't appreciated, but she didn't want to seem too excited, either, or he might never do it again. It was her turn to be honest, she thought as she turned to face him. He swallowed hard, waiting. He looked so sad and anxious that Jackie felt her heart melt.

She took a deep breath, but before she said anything Hyde pulled something out of his pocket. I got you something," he said, opening his hand. Jackie gasped. She picked up the ring, her hands shaking. For once she was completely at a loss for words. It was the last thing she had expected from Steven.


	16. It Was Only a Matter of Time

Hyde was holding his breath again. Why wasn't she saying anything, he wondered. She looked like she was going to cry. He didn't want her to cry anymore. He didn't want her to hurt. He had seen her standing at the door of the store looking scare and heartbroken. He had only waited a minute before going after her.

Earlier he had gone back to Donna's house looking for her. At first Donna wouldn't talk to him at all.

"Please, Donna, just tell me where she is," he pleaded, completely out of character. Donna glared at him refusing to budge from her "never speak to you again" threat. "Please, Donna. I can't let it end like this. I have to tell her-" He had trailed off as Donna sighed. She told him Jackie had mentioned going to the mall. She would have chosen that place, Hyde had thought. The one place wouldn't be caught dead. He had gone, though, and wandered the halls for a long time hoping to catch a glimpse of her. After an hour he thought it was hopeless and left, going back to the record store.

WB was manning the register himself. He had put his arm around Hyde in a fatherly way and told him what he already knew. "It hurts, doesn't it? A good woman does that to you. She walks into your life and throws everything upside down. You don't know if you are coming or going, but you love the sensation all the same. If you are lucky she will look past all your faults and stick with you. Are you lucky, Steven?"

Hyde had shook his head. "No. Maybe once, but now I'm just plain stupid." WB had started to say something else but stopped. He tapped Hyde on the shoulder and pointed towards the door. That was when he saw Jackie. He had followed her to the playground. He remembered this place from when he was a kid. The girls would sit in the swings pretending to fly while him and Kelso would plot how they were going to scare them with the cherry bomb he had swiped. When they were older, too old to play at the park, but still not wanting to give up their childhoods, they had all sat at the top of the monkey bars complaining about how awful their new teacher was, sipping on a beer taken from Donna's house. Those had been good times. They were from a simpler time, though. Nothing was easy any more.

He knew at that moment he saw her crying on the swing that he had come to tell her the truth, not out of guilt, but because he wanted her to know, to understand what he was really feeling. He wanted her back so bad, his chest hurt just thinking about it. He would get down on one knee right there in the dirt and beg her forgiveness. He didn't care about his macho pride anymore, he just wanted Jackie back in his arms, her warm body pressed against his, their hearts beating in rhythm.

But, when he finally got the courage to hop the fence he couldn't find the words he so desperately wanted to tell her. He had settled on telling her it was all his fault, hoping it would make her feel better. He didn't want her blaming herself. He was about to apologize again when Jackie spoke up, stunning him when she declared she didn't want to get married if he didn't want to.

Hyde knew it was her way of saying it was up to him, that she wouldn't pressure him anymore. He could almost here the hope in her voice, the hope that if she conceded this one point he would take her back. She looked up at him. She wasn't mad anymore, she just looked tired. Hyde felt awful. He had done this to her. He had made her cry so much her eyes were bloodshot and her cheeks were raw form wiping away the tears. He opened his mouth to apologize again but Jackie wasn't through.

"I'm sorry, Steven. I'm sorry about everything. I just wish we could go back in time," she told him. Hyde's stomach knotted up and he couldn't seem to fill his lungs with air. He was having to concentrate on each breath. He had asked her if maybe she wished she could forget them and instantly knew it was the wrong thing to say. Why did he have to be such a jerk all the time? She got up to leave and he saw his chance slipping away. It was now or never. He jumped up. He surprised himself with the depth of his voice, how strong and sure it sounded in the still playground.

He tired to put into words all the confused feelings he was having and hoped Jackie understood what he was trying to say. She had at least stopped to listen. He found himself sliding his hands onto her cool shoulders without even thinking. It seemed so natural, so comfortable-his hands on her shoulders. She had gone completely rigid at his touch, but he refused to back off. He tried to keep the nervous tremble out of his voice as he whispered his promise to do right by her. When he said all he could think of he took a step back, waiting.

He couldn't believe how beautiful she looked in the growing moonlight as she turned around. Even with her red eyes and puffy face. Hyde realized she wasn't wearing any make-up. He couldn't remember a time he had ever seen her without it and was astonished to find he liked it. It was real, it was Jackie, nothing covering up who she really was. She was even beautiful in all of her horribleness. That was the moment he knew, with certainty, that he could wake up next to her every day for the rest of his life. He could even promise it to her, so before she could open her mouth he pulled the ring from his pocket.

"I got you something," he said quietly.

Jackie had gasped, but didn't say anything. That was how he ended up standing in the middle of the playground holding his breath, waiting for the girl he loved to accept his proposal. But she wasn't saying anything. She just stood there with her mouth open, tears in her eyes.

"Jackie?" he whispered. She looked up, the tears spilling from the corners of her eyes.

"You didn't have to do that, Steven," she whimpered.

Hyde smiled at her. He was still waiting for her to answer. It was heart wrenching. "Yes, I did," he told her. Jackie kept staring at the ring, a smile growing across her tear streaked face. All of her sadness seemed to drain away and he saw the old Jackie in front of him. She slid the ring onto her finger, crying again. Hyde knew they weren't tears of hurt for once. In fact he was crushing back an urge to cry himself. He had never been so relieved. He wrapped his arms around her. Nothing ever seemed so right in his entire life. He stood there holding Jackie, fighting back tears. He had let down his defenses long enough to confess his love to her but there was no way in hell he was going to let her see him cry. He shuddered as he drew in a long, deep breath, mentally cursing the weakness she caused him.

"Steven, are you crying?" she asked, not looking up. She pressed her head against his chest. Hyde knew she could hear his heart racing.

"No," he choked. "I don't cry. I'm not Forman, you know."

She giggled and hugged him tighter. This was going to work, he thought. They were going to be all right. There was just one last thing. He lifted her chin so that he could look into her eyes. His lips brushed against hers so softly he barely felt it, but it was enough to send a charge up his spine. The kiss lasted only a minute but in that minute they exchanged every feeling they had for each other.

"I love you, Jackie Burkhardt," he told her. "And don't you forget it because I'm not going to be saying it all hours of the day."

"Yes you will, and you know it."

Leave it to Jackie to have to get the last word in. Hyde knew she was right, though. Jackie was always right. God, he loved her.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfic I ever wrote way back in 2005. Took me all of five days to slam it out. I make no apologies.


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